I’ve been thinking about 2 different thoughts quite a bit lately. Just the 2 thoughts, guys. That’s it. Kidding. But one is victim shaming; the other has to do with millennials, and if we’re missing out on the joy of certain things, because everything is so available to us.
1. Victim shaming. Have you watched Surviving R. Kelly? I have not been able to stop thinking about the survivors. They’re incredibly brave; and heartbreaking at the same time. I also mentioned that I’ve been watching Dirty John. If you aren’t familiar with either show, all that you need to know is that they’re primarily about vulnerable women being taken advantage of - some women that you would never think would be in these situations. Men have manipulated them, brainwashed them, gaslit them, and abused them in every way. Men who are powerful, but really have some deep issues; and are sociopaths. I need something “light” to watch desperately, now. When I get really into something, I like to read forums or pages dedicated to whatever it is. Please tell me that you do that, too. One theme that I’ve noticed is that a lot of people out there aren’t very sympathetic to the victims. There’s an awful lot of “it’s sad but I was so frustrated seeing this woman allow herself to get to this point” or “yeah it’s terrible what he did, but how stupid is she?” In the case of R. Kelly, there a lot of people that do not understand some of the parents’ point of views. “How could they let their daughter go to his recording studio?” Don’t you think that these parents are living with that thought, every single second of their lives? It’s kicking them when they’re down. It’s really easy for people to say things like that, when they don’t understand. While I do understand the frustration and confusion, it makes me sad to see such a lack of compassion. In the time of #metoo, I don’t see how things can truly be resolved if we’re still blaming victims. What about the guy who never dealt with his childhood issues and is now taking it out on impressionable woman? Or the Harvey Weinsteins/R. Kellys/Les Moonves’/Donald Trumps surrounded by handlers that enable this behavior, and encourage their sick power trips? Personally, I do have a little experience with this kind of manipulation, in the form of emotional abuse. It’s not something that you can understand, until you’ve been there. That’s why I wish that more of us could approach these situations with more kindness and compassion; or wanting to understand, rather than just “throw away” the reasoning behind it all - at least from the female’s point of view. I’m really lucky that I matured, and happened to meet a wonderful partner to create a really happy life with. So yeah, I’m good now, but I know how sneakily and slowly sociopaths can control you; to the point that you don’t even know how to get yourself out of it. In my case, it was finally just walking away and never looking back. I forget what my point was entirely, but please just try to remember that we’re all human (except for R. Kelly. He is a monster), and if you don’t “understand how she let this happen” you really have no idea how ignorant you sound. It goes a lot deeper than you even could imagine. The only way to bring these men down, is to take away their power (money, popularly, etc.), so let’s stop giving it to them, by giving the victims the love that they finally deserve.
2. Ok. A tad lighter. Being a millennial. As you may have noticed, I have a love/hate relationship with my phone (technically in general, really). It’s great to be able to look up whatever you want, whenever you want; talk to friends and family; buy a movie; listen to a song... I could go on and on and on. Here’s what I miss though: something like going to Blockbuster to pick out movies for the weekend. Ask my husband, I still have a huge hangup about Blockbuster. I miss it so much, and a lot of times, still use it as the ultimate representation of simpler times. I miss the novelty of things. Everything is so readily available. We had a fantastic Christmas. It really was magical with a 2.5 year old, but do you know how many Santa’s we could have gone to see? Thanks to Facebook, I was aware of like, 87 different places that would be featuring “A SPECIAL VISIT FROM SANTA CLAUS!!!!!” Not so special when he’s literally everywhere. It definitely gave me pause, and made me think of when I was younger. He was at the mall, and Sheraton for brunch. That’s it. It was a big deal. I don’t necessarily think this is bad, but to me, it takes the fun out of everything. I hardly leave my house anymore, thanks to Amazon Prime. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is an element of uniqueness and enjoyment missing in certain things, and I 100000% think that it has to do with current and growing technology. Personally, I’m going to try to scale back on using my phone (even more than I already try), and just enjoy the moment - especially experiencing new things through Lyla’s eyes. Am I nuts, or did this all make sense? I think I’m just longing for simplicity and novelty. This is a really interesting article from buzzfeed (I know), and while it’s more about job searching for millennials in this day and age, it still touches on readily available information, etc, and how it’s causing anxiety. An example is that it can be really difficult for a 30 year old to mail something out, because they’re used to doing things online. That’s pretty ridiculous, but I’m afraid to admit that I kind of get it, and I don’t like the fact that I get it. By eliminating some use of my phone (iPad, whatever), I’m hoping that I might enjoy things like running errands more. My anxiety always seems to go way down, when I set my phone down. This is just something that I’ve been thinking a lot about, especially since Christmas, and ALL of the Santa’s. Like calm down.
Again, I have no idea what my points even are today. It feels nice to write, though, so thanks for reading. Also, feel free to tell me that any of this made one iota of sense. Or don’t, because it feels really freaking good to take a break from interneting.
Here’s to being kind to ourselves and to others XO
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