Music and Pregnancy

(No. Not pregnant). 

There has to be a kind of mind, that uses music to gauge things, remember things, and just associate any and everything with songs. I have this kind of mind. My dad probably does, too. For some people, it’s scents, books, places, etc. What a powerful and wonderful little part of life. 

In watching “Dead to Me” on Netflix (crazy good), it dawned on me, that I dealt with certain difficult things in my pregnancy, by listening to certain songs as loudly as I could in my car, and I should start doing that again when I can (as in, when I’m alone). Then I thought about all of the music that represented such a delicate time in my life. My pregnancy with Lyla was magical, terrifying, frustrating, and hopeful all at once. Most pregnancies are all those things, and much more. 

Finding out that I was pregnant 

I found out that I was pregnant on a Tuesday morning, in August. I happened to be off of work that day; my husband, however, was having one of first, busy workdays. I didn’t want to say anything to him until he was home for the day. This also meant that I had to avoid my mom, because I was afraid that if she saw me, she’d know. I wanted my husband to know first. It was the most surreal feeling. I felt like I was in a dream state all day. My head was in the clouds, and no one could know why, which was kind of fun. In trying to keep myself distracted, I left my house to grab lunch, and on the radio “Forever Young” by Rod Stewart was on. I’ve always thought that this was such a dorky song. Pleasant, but super dorky. Cut to me, listing to the words, and sobbing in my car. Needless to say, I love this song now. As a parent, the lyrics are just perfect. 

Driving to many appointments 

My blood pressure while pregnant was really high, and there were some other little things that needed to be routinely checked. At the time, it all felt like the end of the world, and now I couldn’t even tell you what any of my additional OB appointments were about. For most of these, I had to drive to our city’s hospital (lol. city), which is a good 20 minute drive, through a decent amount of traffic. What was that about high blood pressure? This is where “Dead to Me” made me think. Christina Applegate’s character deals with her grief in some pretty dark ways. At one point she claims that her version of “meditation” is screaming along to heavy metal in her car. I know that I’m nowhere near as angry as her character, but I get her. I found her character to be super relatable, which I’m not proud of, for what it’s worth. Back to those OB appointments, that I’m sure I was terrified to go to; had some serious PTSD from Lyla’s CF diagnosis that I hadn’t even begun to process; and I was driving among the dumbest, most backwards population on the planet..Candlebox got me through it. Excuse me what year and lifestyle are we living here? I wouldn’t say that I’m cool enough to know or listen to a ton of hard rock, but I did grow up with it, thanks to my brother. Every once in a while, I’d dabble in some Metallica or Danzig, but it was (and still is) the song “You” by Candlebox, that simultaneously calmed me down, but fed the rage. Personally, I prefer their song “Far Behind,” but it just doesn’t have the right effect, in the right situation 

Lyla’s song 

Seeing as how this pertains to before Lyla was born, I’m leaving out our many current songs (think: “You’ll be in my Heart”). At the aforementioned OB appointments, her movement had to be monitored in my belly. The nurses and I would try everything to get her to wiggle around in there - music, tapping, talking, etc. There was only one thing that got her moving: “Elastic Heart” by Sia. It was so funny. She would move to other things at home and in the car, but when it counted, she needed Sia. She has always been the coolest. I wish that I could say that she loves this song now, but unfortunately Alvin and the Chipmunks don’t cover it, so she’s not interested. It still makes me smile to think about that being her song of choice, when we needed to check on how healthy she was. Even if she doesn’t appreciate that now, she does claim to recognize the theme from “The Office” from when she lived in my belly. Tough and an appreciation of humor? My kind of girl. 

XO, Luci 

Being a CF mother: a confession

I haven’t felt motivated to write about much, so I just haven’t. Simple as that. However, while chatting with my mom, at our Target Starbucks, while Lyla played with her new Princess Jasmine doll and had a cookie, I finally realized something. Something that’s been lurking in my brain and my heart for probably 3.5 years, and something that I’ve been avoiding. Lyla’s diagnosis makes me depressed. 

Yes, I am depressed. It comes and goes; and I do truly believe that we all have to go through our bad days, no matter the situation. This is a little more than a bad day, though. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want extra donations for our Great Strides walk. I don’t want pity. I certainly don’t want anyone to worry about me. I am functioning just fine, and this is nothing that keeps me in bed all day, although some days I wish that was possible. I just want to say it out loud. 

I prefer to live in a certain state of denial. Lyla is really thriving, and anything terribly negative regarding her having Cystic Fibrosis, just hasn’t really come up that much. Why should I worry about the idea of her having a difficult time conceiving a baby someday (possible), when we could be in our backyard blowing bubbles and laughing and dancing? She may not even want to have children someday (but I hope she does, because she makes my life). We’re so used to our day-to-day treatments and medications, that again, the weight of all of this just doesn’t really dawn on me; until I’m forced to acknowledge it. 

There has definitely been a pattern of my acting out, starting about a week before her clinic appointments, and it usually subsides the second her appointment is over, unless it’s not a great appointment. In my case, it’s irritability and impatience (mostly while driving); wanting to eat junk; not wanting to look presentable (odd for me); and just general inactivity. Luckily, I have a 3 year old and a puppy dog to entertain, daily. They keep me accountable and in check. They get me outside walking and playing; and quiet in the car when I want to scream at someone to “hurry the f up!” It’s fine to keep these things in check, but that doesn’t solve the problem. The “problem” being how I deal with something so heavy and life changing. For the record, I still have no idea how to handle it. I may never quite figure it out. In fact, I’d be shocked if anyone ever did figure it out, completely. 

What’s strange, is what got me really thinking about all of this. I’ve known that things have felt “off” but I haven’t been ready to figure it out. I haven’t even wanted to try. I’m not even sure if I’m ready to try, now. It does feel pretty damn good just admitting how sad this all makes me, though. Back to what got me thinking: as many of you know, we’re taking part in Great Strides this year (a charitable 5K, for Cystic Fibrosis research), and I have genuinely been so touched by how supportive our friends and family have been. Truly, it has been incredible. My mom asked me if I was excited for the walk. And there it was. While I’m excited for Lyla, and my husband who has been a rockstar, the short answer is “not really.” I know how that sounds. It sounds horrible. I can show up and smile, and feel genuinely so appreciative, but it is still a reminder of this genetic disease that my precious baby happens to have; and that could really affect her life negatively down the line. It’s incredibly odd to love someone more than anything in the entire world; but feel hateful of something that’s a huge part of their life. It’s also tricky, because I hope that I’m raising her to have a positive and proactive outlook on her CF, while letting herself feel blue when she needs to feel it. I tell myself that I need to always be so strong for her, but I’m afraid that I can’t keep that up, without some help. 

This is the first thing in my life, that has made me think that it’s time to talk to a therapist. I’m actually looking forward to it, and am starting to think that more people should be open to this kind of self care. 

It’s definitely worth mentioning, that while Lyla’s diagnosis depresses me, being her mother makes me whole. It is my purpose, and my greatest joy. Raising her is a dream come true. 

You should also know that I’m ok with everything said. To me, it’s just life. Giving myself permission to admit that it sucks, is huge though, and I highly recommend it. 

XO Lyla’s mother 

Blonde Moments

Hello again, loves. I honestly don’t know if I took a hiatus because: 

1. It has been cold and gray out, and that makes me want to hibernate (which I think is natural and healthy) 

2. It has been cold and gray out, and that makes me want to hibernate (which means I’m slightly depressed. Not totally out of range for me, I just try to be aware. I have a wonderful life, but sometimes I get overwhelmed). 

3. The Momo thing, which I guess has been deemed a hoax, made me feel super gross about having any kind of internet footprint. It still makes me think twice. Expect to see way less of my little one on here. I might occasionally share some health updates for her, and mainly how they affect us as her family. I love her story, and really admire it, but it’s becoming more and more her’s to tell. 

I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’ve got some parenting to do here, very shortly. 

There have been some big pop culrure happenings lately: 

*Just today, Lori Laughlin and Felicity Huffman were arrested in that college-admission-bribery scheme. I can’t decide if this is hilarious or just really sad. I’m kind of leaning towards hilarious. 

*..Which brings me to that fact I sounded like a dipshit in my last post, defending Jussie Smollett. I still don’t even know what to think, except that I normally side with the underdog, and give people the benefit of the doubt. This is petty (duh), but I’m comforted by the fact that I couldn’t stand his sister on Full House, as Denise, Michelle’s friend. So, I’m afraid that something bad could happen in this college scheme (maybe one of the kids will be upset, therfore they’ll act out terribly?), and I’ll feel really badly for declaring it hilarious. Also, can we please note this Full House full circle moment? 

*Jordyn Woods = Idiot. Tristan Thompson = Dumpster fire of a human being. Oh Khloe, get some deep therapy; or at least read He’s Just Not That Into You. All kidding aside, that book changed my life. 

*RHOBH. Audible groan. Anything that I’ve publicaly mentioned, that is positive regarding Lisa Rinna and Kyle Richards, I now officially retract. They are not looking good in this stupid dog story. I think I’m on LVP’s side, but I’m waiting for more information. So, team Lucy Lucy Applejuice. Also, Dorit sucks. 

Those are just my little feelings, on these silly little subjects. 

I’ve mentioned creating a “Dad interview” series, and I have officially interviewed my first subject. It’s delightful, and sweet. I just need to get motivated to get it all written out. 

As far as actually blogging, and instagramming on my “blog” account, I’m still feeling out that particular IG. If this winter has taught me anything, it’s that I definitely need that creative outlet. 

Hope to be seeing more of you all, via this little corner of the internet. 

Until then, XO

Blonde Moments

I’ve been thinking a lot about this blogging thing. It’s fun to do, and I love to write. Like anything, I do have motivation behind it. The biggest is a creative outlet, and a way to reach out to other people. Stay at home momming is a huge blessing, but can be really isolating. The other (smaller) part of it for me, is monetary. I realize that you should never “blog for financial gain. Just do what makes you happy, and the rest will fall into place.” Ok. I guarantee you that are countless bloggers out there, that started out because they were sick of explaining to their husband why they needed something new to wear, from Nordstrom. You know, hypothetically speaking. I know you’re out there, DONNA. 

There are millions of ways to blog; as in millions of things to write about, times to write, reasons to write, and on and on. Lately, my whole thing has been do I have what it takes, to take it to IG influencer status? Lol for days at the word influencer, btw. Here’s the thing: Lyla’s health has been a “no news is good news” situation; plus,do I want to share details of her life as she gets older? Not really. Plus, strangers seeing her picture. No thanks; aside from all of that, I’m either too lazy or too busy to put the time in. I’m very much ok with that, by the way. Our society makes us feel like we need to be busy to be happy. That’s literally the opposite of how I live my happy little existence. So, I’ll continue to share when I feel like it, or if something big is going on in our little CF bubble. I’m just at an impasse when it comes to what my sense of direction is here, which I’m totally content with. 

Moving on, some of what I’m living for lately: 

Um. Andy Cohen’s west coast shower. I know most of you feel me. Lisa Rinna is everything. Kyle is fabulous. I cannot get enough. 

Our new furniture is coming this weekend. This is better than Christmas in my brain. I channel all of my compulsion into my home - for better or worse. So, this is huge. We’re also doing a few other little decor changes. Bigger things to come throughout the year. 

I’ve watched and rewatched Grace and Frankie, I don’t even know how many times. Lyla and I have each been sick, and it’s been freezing out. So we’ve just been laying low. 

Things that I’m not loving so much: 

(And by “I’m not loving” I mean that you as my reader might not love it, but I’m going to share it anyway) 

We’ve been listening to The Lion King soundtrack, and I’ve decided that I’m really not looking forward to Beyoncé as Nala (in the new version, coming this summer TO A THEATER NEAR YOU). She’s gorgeous, a great entertainer, and can sing like 800 times better than me..but I don’t really care for her voice. I feel so good that I said that out loud. Whenever I think of her singing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” I get very agitated. 

Are you caught up on the news? The actor from Empire who endured a hate crime in Chicago, Jussie Smollet, was called the N and F word, had bleach thrown on him, had a noose place around his neck, and sustained broken bones (I want to say ribs, but I can’t quite remember..). While this was happening, the attackers were apparently chanting “this is MAGA country” or some bullshit. What f*cking year is this? Why I’m bringing this up, is because I really need a MAGA supporter to speak up, and say how horrific this is. Anyone? Please? To restore my faith in humanity. People that I love, are on the Right side, maybe not to this much of an extreme, so I get it. This, however, should not be the spokesmanship that you signed up for. This is unpopular, and tricky territory to mention in a little stay-at-home Mom blog, but it’s happening and it’s very serious. Why shouldn’t we talk about it? What’s taboo here, exactly? 

On that note, stay warm out there, and be accepting of one another

XO, Luci 

Blonde Moments

We’re on our way to Lyla’s clinic appointment. I’m obviously not driving. But I am irritable. So irritable. Lyla has a runny nose (but seems ok). We have to see a new doctor today. It took me 3 hours to get through the Dirty John finale this morning, because there was just so much other (little) stuff going on. Not a big deal, I know. Anyway, I’m just moody. I would bet that I’m 100% nicer after her appointment (granted all goes well. I’m thinking that it will). The most important thing though, is that Lyla is not in a bad mood like I am, and is quite happy. That wins over anything else that I’m salty over. 

I’ve been thinking about 2 different thoughts quite a bit lately. Just the 2 thoughts, guys. That’s it. Kidding. But one is victim shaming; the other has to do with millennials, and if we’re missing out on the joy of certain things, because everything is so available to us. 

1. Victim shaming. Have you watched Surviving R. Kelly? I have not been able to stop thinking about the survivors. They’re incredibly brave; and heartbreaking at the same time. I also mentioned that I’ve been watching Dirty John. If you aren’t familiar with either show, all that you need to know is that they’re primarily about vulnerable women being taken advantage of - some women that you would never think would be in these situations. Men have manipulated them, brainwashed them, gaslit them, and abused them in every way. Men who are powerful, but really have some deep issues; and are sociopaths. I need something “light” to watch desperately, now. When I get really into something, I like to read forums or pages dedicated to whatever it is. Please tell me that you do that, too. One theme that I’ve noticed is that a lot of people out there aren’t very sympathetic to the victims. There’s an awful lot of “it’s sad but I was so frustrated seeing this woman allow herself to get to this point” or “yeah it’s terrible what he did, but how stupid is she?” In the case of R. Kelly, there a lot of people that do not understand some of the parents’ point of views. “How could they let their daughter go to his recording studio?” Don’t you think that these parents are living with that thought, every single second of their lives? It’s kicking them when they’re down. It’s really easy for people to say things like that, when they don’t understand. While I do understand the frustration and confusion, it makes me sad to see such a lack of compassion. In the time of #metoo, I don’t see how things can truly be resolved if we’re still blaming victims. What about the guy who never dealt with his childhood issues and is now taking it out on impressionable woman? Or the Harvey Weinsteins/R. Kellys/Les Moonves’/Donald Trumps surrounded by handlers that enable this behavior, and encourage their sick power trips? Personally, I do have a little experience with this kind of manipulation, in the form of emotional abuse. It’s not something that you can understand, until you’ve been there. That’s why I wish that more of us could approach these situations with more kindness and compassion; or wanting to understand, rather than just “throw away” the reasoning behind it all - at least from the female’s point of view. I’m really lucky that I matured, and happened to meet a wonderful partner to create a really happy life with. So yeah, I’m good now, but I know how sneakily and slowly sociopaths can control you; to the point that you don’t even know how to get yourself out of it. In my case, it was finally just walking away and never looking back. I forget what my point was entirely, but please just try to remember that we’re all human (except for R. Kelly. He is a monster), and if you don’t “understand how she let this happen” you really have no idea how ignorant you sound. It goes a lot deeper than you even could imagine. The only way to bring these men down, is to take away their power (money, popularly, etc.), so let’s stop giving it to them, by giving the victims the love that they finally deserve. 

2. Ok. A tad lighter. Being a millennial. As you may have noticed, I have a love/hate relationship with my phone (technically in general, really). It’s great to be able to look up whatever you want, whenever you want; talk to friends and family; buy a movie; listen to a song... I could go on and on and on. Here’s what I miss though: something like going to Blockbuster to pick out movies for the weekend. Ask my husband, I still have a huge hangup about Blockbuster. I miss it so much, and a lot of times, still use it as the ultimate representation of simpler times. I miss the novelty of things. Everything is so readily available. We had a fantastic Christmas. It really was magical with a 2.5 year old, but do you know how many Santa’s we could have gone to see? Thanks to Facebook, I was aware of like, 87 different places that would be featuring “A SPECIAL VISIT FROM SANTA CLAUS!!!!!” Not so special when he’s literally everywhere. It definitely gave me pause, and made me think of when I was younger. He was at the mall, and Sheraton for brunch. That’s it. It was a big deal. I don’t necessarily think this is bad, but to me, it takes the fun out of everything. I hardly leave my house anymore, thanks to Amazon Prime. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is an element of uniqueness and enjoyment missing in certain things, and I 100000% think that it has to do with current and growing technology. Personally, I’m going to try to scale back on using my phone (even more than I already try), and just enjoy the moment - especially experiencing new things through Lyla’s eyes. Am I nuts, or did this all make sense? I think I’m just longing for simplicity and novelty. This is a really interesting article from buzzfeed (I know), and while it’s more about job searching for millennials in this day and age, it still touches on readily available information, etc, and how it’s causing anxiety. An example is that it can be really difficult for a 30 year old to mail something out, because they’re used to doing things online. That’s pretty ridiculous, but I’m afraid to admit that I kind of get it, and I don’t like the fact that I get it. By eliminating some use of my phone (iPad, whatever), I’m hoping that I might enjoy things like running errands more. My anxiety always seems to go way down, when I set my phone down. This is just something that I’ve been thinking a lot about, especially since Christmas, and ALL of the Santa’s. Like calm down. 

Again, I have no idea what my points even are today. It feels nice to write, though, so thanks for reading. Also, feel free to tell me that any of this made one iota of sense. Or don’t, because it feels really freaking good to take a break from interneting. 

Here’s to being kind to ourselves and to others XO  

Blonde Moments

I have so many post ideas floating around in my head, but we went out last Saturday night, had a blast, and 5 days later, I’m still just “off.” Welcome to 35 (for another week). So, enjoy one these "random things" posts. Or don’t enjoy it. Whichever. 

Speaking of going out... 

This is literally how I feel about myself now. You ever get the post going-out (drinking) cringes? You know that you’ve said some outrageous things to people that you aren’t super close to. Oh well #whatareyagonnado 

In the sh*t 

My brother, and his wife, have 2 kids that are a little bit older than Lyla. He coined this lovely phrase (featured above) to categorize the time in young parents’ lives, when their children are babies-to-around 4 years old, and almost any outing or task, is just difficult. I’ve said before that Lyla is a really easy kid. Pleasant has always been a word to describe her. That’s still very much true, but she’s just hard to reason with sometimes. Obviously. She is two. We’ve moved passed the stage where we need to pack up a million things just for one trip out of the house and have entered the stage of: she has her mind set on what she does and doesn’t want to do. We’ve had our share of tantrums when leaving fun places - it’s funny most of the time. I say this all with love. It all comes with the territory. I think that Lyla is a dream come true, and I know that my brother feels the same way about my niece and nephew. I just happen to be incredibly exhausted most of the time. Toddlers are no joke. For us, having a toddler is more challenging than having a newborn. I wish that more people talked about this. I’m super grateful for Lyla, and madly in love with her...just a little bit tapped out. That’s just our truth at the moment. 

Home 

Well I lied to you guys. I mentioned before that I didn’t find it necessary to paint our kitchen cabinets, even though the color is a tad dated and dark. In fact, I still do like the color. My husband likes a white kitchen, probably more than I do. I just hadn’t entertained that possibility for us, because a bright white just wouldn’t work in our house. Our house pulls a lot of warm tones. I think that’s why I want to incorporate some pastels in the coming months, to balance that out. That would be using my knowledge of hair color, and applying it to my home. I digress. Our cabinets could totally be a creamy white, and it would work, without having to change much else, which we just don’t want to do right now. Also, with chalk paint eliminating the need to sand down what you’re painting, it seems like a no-brainer. I’ve been researching lots of tips, the best sealant, etc. I happen to love an ivory or cream, and didn’t realize how much was already in my house. So, yes, this is the biggest thing now on my to-do list (in the next few months). That laundry room will have to wait. In painting the cabinets, and therefore holding off on refacing the cabinet doors, and replacing the counter top and backsplash, we’ll save about $4500. The countertop and backsplash will stlll be history eventually (barf), but I think that the cream will offset the heinousness enough to hold me over. 

Our house is pretty traditionally decorated for Christmas, but I went a little fancier in the dining room. I grabbed a ton of pastel Christmas decorations last year, after Christmas for 90% off, in the hopes that we’d have an extra tree this year. We still just have the one tree, which I love, but it’s small. Since it’s our only tree, I like to keep it really festive and classic. We’ll have to get on the ball this year, when the discounts start after the Holidays, for a tall tree for our 2 story living room. I digress. Again. I put all the pastel decorations in the dining room, and I love it. It’s totally given me the inspiration that I needed for this room, also. Our dining room has been kind of a question mark since we’ve moved in. Turns out that it just needed a few softer colors. You guessed it - I have a little list for this room, post Christmas. 

(Excuse the poor lighting) 

Similar: 

champagne gold table runner

champagne gold table cloth

apothecary jars, set of 3  (for candy, ornaments, etc) 

ornament set of 24; gold and pink

Pop-Culture 

Have you watched Dumplin’ on Netflix? It is so good! It’s the happy movie that we all need. Please watch it. Great message, great cast, and Dolly Parton songs and quotes! It has everything.

We’ve been binge watching Friends, too. I’ve seen them all about a million times, but Anthony hasn’t. It’s been fun to watch it from the beginning. At some point in my 30’s, I feel like I went from a Rachel to a total Monica. And yes, the jokes are totally tone def. It’s kind of mind blowing to think about how much our society has changed in just 20 years, for the better and worse. 

Dirty John, on Bravo, is also really good. It is based on a true story/podcast, about a conman. I am obsessed. It's a little bit difficult to watch something in real time, and not be able to binge it all in one weekend. Spoiled much? 



Hope that you all have a good weekend! Who out there has painted their kitchen cabinets? Is it a huge pain? Should I wait until Lyla is in school next year? Lol, but seriously. 

Here's to happy things, and getting ready for the Holidays! XO 

By the Numbers

2 instagram accounts that I’m especially loving: 

Heather McMahan - She is just so funny. From what I know, Heather McMahan is trying to make it as an actress. She has a good bit of followers. My funny-smart (you know the type 🙌🏼) friend, Kayla, got me into her. Her instastories are pure gold. 

The AIDS Memorial - Being born in 1982, and growing up in a rather small and conservative area (you know it’s true), I heard about AIDS growing up, but not enough to really grasp how devastating it was, and still is, especially on the LGBTQ community. As I got it older, it became clearer. I can remember watching the HBO movie version of The Normal Heart  when it first aired in 2014, and it has stayed with me since. We recently saw Bohemian Rhapsody (so good), and that also touches on how devastating the AIDS epidemic has been. I hope that my generation, and generations to come, don’t lose sight of the toll this disease has taken on so many. I love this account, not because it’s pleasant, but it is so touching, and it lends a voice to those that maybe didn’t have one, because they were so stigmatized for their perceived lifestyle. 

2 random google searches this week: 

I researched “raising an Aries” more out of curiousity than anything. Here’s my take on astrology: I think that there is something to be said for it, along with spiritual and higher powers, but I think that a lot of what’s out there is misinformation. I did come across some things that made sense, though, and sound like Lyla: gets very sad if in trouble, never sits still, natural leader, has to decide if they like you before opening up to you. Granted, she’s 2, but this all makes sense when I think of Lyla’s personality. If nothing else, it sort of reinforced my dicipline style, which is probably a little calm for some. Works for Lyla, though. If we’re lucky enough to have more children, they might respond better to some totally different discipline tactics. Whether that’s astrology or not, I’m totally hoping that Lyla grows up to host a ridiculous Aries party, ala Shannon Beador. 

Have you heard of the word “Empath?” It’s a personality type, and very rare. I saw it referenced in a meme (what a time to be alive), and it sounded intriguing. While the name is derived from the word empathy, it doesn’t necessarily mean to be a person who displays empathy. Basically, it’s a highly sensitive person, or intuitive person; someone who absorbs others’ emotions. I saw this questionnaire of traits (👇🏼), and was surprised that I answered yes to like 90% of them. Say what. It makes so much sense. I get really anxious, and depleted, around a lot of people, and certain jobs have certainly made that worse. That can be challenging as an extrovert. Why I’m sharing this, is because I think that it could play into the current mental health epidemic that seems to be happining. I had no idea this was even a thing, and researching it more, has helped me in some ways. I’m all for figuring out what triggers me, and how I can work with that. We all have triggers, and at least a little bit of anxiety, yes? 

3 things that I want for Christmas (or birthday): 

My husband and I weren’t even going to get gifts for each other this year. It’s so boring, but we usually just get what we want throughout the year; or save up our money for vacations, house stuff, and of course, anything/everything Lyla. Aside from how I would like to celebrate my birthday this year, I figured that it couldn’t hurt to at least make a little list 

Indoor Grill Pan  

I’ve been wanting one of these for the longest time. It wasn’t until we’ve hit a slump in our meal planning, that I realize how much we’d benefit from having one. (That slump is going on, like, 2 years). 

Hot Tools Hair Dryer

My favorite hair dryer is hands down Hot Tools. Mine is currently starting to lose its power and heat - I’ve had it for around 7 years. I’d really love a Dyson, but when it comes to “standard” brands, Hot Tools has always been my favorite. 

Women’s Silk Pajamas

Everyone that knows me, knows that silk pajamas are my very favorite thing in the whole world (material thing that is). I usually get a new pair every year around the holidays. Since Victoria’s Secret stopped selling my favorites (why), I turned to Amazon. The green in this pair is so pretty. If you’ve been reading here, you probably think that I only wear “lounging” clothes or pajamas - and that is totally correct. 

These are pretty much wants over needs, but now is the time to ask for them, right? 

Do you and your spouse exchange gifts? 

Here’s to social media, google searches, and asking for gifts over the age of 11. XO 

What’s Up Wednesday

Joining in on a series today:

 What’s up Wednesday with Mix and Match Mama, The Larson Lingo, and Sheaffer Told Me To 

What We’re Eating This Week 

As usual, terrible meal planning, with homemade treats laying around. I love to bake, especially when it’s cold out. We’ve had Andrea’s Skors Bars and these super soft chocolate chip cookies (twice) over the last few weeks, so I’ve been trying to keep my actual “food” simple. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. Italian Wedding Soup has been a favorite. I need to find a good recipe to make it at home. 

What I’m Reminiscing About 

It should go without saying, FB memories. I used to cringe at my social media history, until I had a child and a dog. These are from one year ago: 

Carly goes to doggy daycare maybe once a month, because she can be pretty high energy, and they take the best holiday pictures! I promise you, she’s (probably) happy here, this is just her baseline/signature look. 👀 

We had just started construction on our master bathroom here, and our contractor brought Lyla donuts 

What I’m Loving 

I’ve said it a million times already, but seeing Lyla understand, and therefore, get super excited about Christmas. Her Mimi sent this 

Melissa and Doug Advent Christmas Tree and it has been a huge hit! Bonus: looks like it’s on sale right now 

 I promised a very sad 2 year old, that I’d keep

her toy set-up exactly how it was, when she had to go bed last night. This is from this morning: a piggy, a magnetic advent tree, a treasure chest, and a gingerbread house just waiting to be played with 

What We’ve Been Up To 

Lots of Christmas shopping this week; lots of trying to get Lyla to eat all of the goodies lying around - her clinic appointment got moved to this Friday coming up; lots of chilling out after a fun Thanksgiving weekend. 

What I’m Dreading

It’s weird, but I’m not dreading Lyla’s clinic appointment as much as I was before it got rescheduled (from 2 weeks ago). We will be seeing someone very special to us, on our CF Clinic Team, for the last time before they move, so that’s a bit of a bummer. 

What I’m Working On 

Trying to keep things cute and fun here, in little internet land. I go through phases, where for a few days, I’m super into it, then I dgaf for a little bit. It’s just like working out. 

What I’m Excited About 

Again - the holidays with a toddler. Also, our sweet Carly turns 5 tomorrow! For being 5, she’s still pretty playful; and as always, she’s the kindest, bestest friend ever. 

What I’m Watching/Reading 

I’m so sick of myself by nighttime, that laying around and watching TV and just waiting to go to bed, has forced me to try reading a book. I’ve gotten realllllly out of the habit. I’ve been trying to get into 

Red Queen . For some reason, it’s just not my thing. I should just stick with what works - Jackie Collins. 

As far as TV, I’m really excited for Dirty John; and I’ve rewatched some of The Haunting of Hill House. You can add me to the list of people that enjoy a Hallmark Christmas movie, as well. 

What I’m Listening To 

I’ve been on a huge Florence + The Machine kick. That happens for me when it’s cold out, for whatever reason. We’ve had some Christmas music playing, of course. Lyla hasn’t really gotten super into it - probably because it’s not her beloved “puppy ghost” aka Thriller. We still listen to that, like, 37 times a day. 

What I’m Wearing 

My husband surprised me with some Cuddle Dud pajamas one day. He knows how much I like to lounge, but look cute while doing so. You will never catch me in jeans, while sitting around the house. 

(Lololol) 

Similar/stuff I want for hanging out: 

Cuddle Duds Leggings

Cuddle Duds Tunic

Cuddle Duds Long Sleeve Tee

We have some holiday parties coming up, and I need to figure out what I’ll be wearing, that’s festive and a little bit dressy. 

What I’m Doing This Weekend 

I actually have no idea. That’s nice! We love weekends like that. I know we’d like to take Lyla to the mall to ride the train, and do some shopping, so maybe that. With most laid back winter/football weekends, there will probably be some cooking and baking going on, too. I prefer to keep weekends following a clinic appointment, pretty low key. 

What I’m Looking Forward to Next Month 

Our little nephew will be here in January- That’s huge! 

💙

What Else is New 

My birthday is coming up. I honestly keep forgetting. I think it’s on a Thursday? It’s always nice to celebrate with family and friends, though. 

The bonus question is about The Elf on the Shelf: 

 I’m not getting into that, until I absolutely have to. So, probably next year. I’ll get pretty festive, but there’s something about that Elf that just doesn’t do it for me. 

This was fun, it felt a little bit like a MySpace questionnaire. 

Here’s to a fun link-up! XO 

Gift Guide: Family Favorites

Sometimes you just need one more gift for your parents. Or maybe you’re doing a gift exchange with your siblings’ family? These are some of those ideas when you just need that one gift that the whole fam can enjoy. 

Personally, I’m not a Black Friday shopper. At all. I can think of a billion other things that I’d rather be doing, some of those rather unpleasant. These are for my Cyber Weekend champions. 

1. I think that Smeg products are the cutest. Retro looking, pretty colors, functional. Who wouldn’t love a new toaster? I feel like we’ve needed a new one for the longest time, and just won’t get one. You could be really adorable, and go for the 1950’s inspired coffee maker. 

Smeg 1950’s Retro-Style Coffee Maker (misc color choices)

Smeg Toaster (misc color choices)

2. Some fun ideas for in the kitchen include this stainless steel popsicle maker set, or a hot sauce making kit. I especially love the Hot Sauce Making Kit. It’s unexpected and interactive. 

Ecozoi Eco-Safe Stainless Steel Popsicle Making Set

Hot Sauce Making Kit

3. Coffee Table Books are one of my favorite things to have around. There’s a book out there for literally everything. These are just two ideas for the music or fashion lovers in your life.  Coffee Table Books usually come at a good price, too. 

1000 Record Covers Book

Chanel: Collections and Creations

4. Games are kind of a no-brainer. We like 

Cards Against Humanity,  Apples to Apples and What Do You Meme? I had never seen this Awkward Family Photo Game (👇🏼) before. Our family would really enjoy this, I think. 

Awkward Family Photos Movie Line Caption Game

5. Cookbooks are such a great thing to have. The older that I get, the more I really appreciate mine. I included one that my parents used to refer to all of the time, and is a classic favorite; and a book if you’re shopping for empty-nesters. 

Better Homes and Gardens: New Cookbook

Complete Cooking For 2 Cookbook

6. This is definitely a gift that you would go-in on with other people. It’s not cheap. My husband recently purchased this for our house, and while I’m not a technical person, I can say that it is awesome. It has made our WiFi connection perform so much better. 

Click around, because there are different strengths and price points. 

Eero Home WiFi System

7. We are such Cuddle Dud fans. From their clothes to their blankets. Nothing cozier. I love to give blankets as gifts. These are some of my favorite. 

Cuddle Duds Fleece Throw

8. Outdoor games make fabulous gifts. Cornhole sets are nice, but I like to think a little fancier. Think of how much fun a Croquet Set would be. My grandmother had one, and while we never played how you’re supposed to, it made for some fun memories. 

Croquet Set, 6-player

9. I was so excited when I found these. They’d be perfect for a family with young children. You could wrap them up with some hot chocolate mix. 

Marshmallow Shaped Family Mug Set

Hopefully you got some good ideas! Here’s to shopping for those that we love! XO 

My Daytime Makeup Routine

For those of you that are new, before I was lucky enough to stay home with my baby, I worked in spas/salons as an esthetician and hairstylist. I did love it, and I definitely fulfilled a childhood dream by working in the “beauty” field. For now, there’s nothing that I’d rather be doing more, than being home with Lyla, but I do still use all of the tips and tricks I learned along the way, almost daily (unless we have nothing planned, then it’s frump express) 

Here’s a very small glimpse into my quick makeup routine. This is what I do, if we’re running into the grocery store or something similar. You’ll notice that my hair is not done. I have really fragile/fine hair, and try to give it a break as often as possible. So my daytime makeup routine is usually synonymous with the most simple hair that I can pull together. Fine by me. Praise Meghan Markle for making casual hair more acceptable 🙌🏼

You’ll notice that a lot of these products are drugstore products. I promise you, I have tried it all. Every once in a while, I like to treat myself to a Chanel lipgloss, or anything MAC, but these are my beloved staples in this post. Some of these products, I’ve been using for 20 years. Recently, I had my own little undereye concealer drama, when Neutrogena did away with my very favorite. Don’t you hate that? I literally tried everything under the sun to get the same effect..and I ended up on the E.L.F. brand. I find E.L.F. Studio to be almost identical to NARS, from the packaging, the colors, and the staying power. 

Here’s a little glimpse into what works for me. My main focus is just to look awake - bright eyes, a touch of bronze on the skin, and a glossy lip (makes them look bigger). I don’t do any contouring, because I’m not a Kardashian, and that’s just not realistic for me. 

My make-up cabinet. 👆🏼 I love this thing, so very much. I’m not sure how I’ll ever not have this kind of setup. The Amish really knocked this one out of the park for me. Inspiration: spice cabinet/Pinterest. I have an identical cabinet below, and keep some of Lyla’s stuff in there 

I always start with a BB or CC cream. As long as it has sun protection in it, I’ll try it. I haven’t found one that I absolutely have to use all of the time, or any that I wouldn’t use again. These can all be pretty interchangeable to me. Currently I’m using 

Supergoop! CC cream, spf 35 (med)  and I really like it. It’s thick, so somedays it’s more coverage than I prefer. I forget where I even heard about this..I want to say a magazine? That’s weird, because I haven’t read a magazine since I got my first iPhone. Who knows.. 

What a ridiculous picture. Lol. This is post CC cream, pre-anything else. As you can see, I just smeared that concealer all over my eyes, then applied the dual/other-side liquid highlighter to my ring finger (least amount of pressure), and blended. There is nothing technical here. 

E.L.F Studio concealer/highlighter

Now to add some color. In keeping with the theme of using E.L.F. Studio, I adore their bronzer and blush. In fact, I *may* have used a bit too much in these pics. I use the lighter bronzer all over my cheeks, bridge of my nose, under my chin, and across my forehead. Then I’ll use a shade of pink on the apples of my cheeks, from the blush pallet - depends on my mood that day, which color.

E.L.F Blush Pallet, light

E.L.F studio contouring blush/bronzer

The most important part: eyes. Again, totally laughable pic. I did my left eye, and left the right completely plain. Before contouring and brows were a huge deal, the biggest secret or trick that I knew of in the makeup industry, was to use a good eyelash curler. I linked my very favorite below (Shu Uemora). It is a miracle, and is even referenced in The Devil Wears Prada. 

After I rub that concealer all over the place, and curl my lashes, I swipe a light shade of eyeshadow all over my lids. I just think that it looks nice. I have several different pallets, and go with what I’m in the mood to use. I do like to spend my money on eyeshadow. I just think that it stays on better. Some of my favorite brands are Too Faced, Lorac, and Lancôme 

After some shadow, for color, I do what I’ve been doing since I was allowed to wear make-up in public. Liquid black eyeliner on my upper lid, and a gajillion layers of black mascara (again...on the upper lashes only). I absolutely swear by L’Oreal Paris’ liquid eyeliner (link below). It just adds the right amount of definition, and is so easy to use. I’m a total mascara freak, and I always go back to using Revlon and L’Oreal simultaneously. I just layer and layer. I always get black, never waterproof, and any variation that’s volumizing and lengthing. Believe it or not, the more expensive mascaras tend to bother my eyes (that might be because I USE so much. I ❤️ a good spider lash). 

L’Oréal Paris Telescopic Precision Liquid Eyeliner, Black

Shu Uemora Eyelash Curler   

Revlon Mascara 

L’Oréal Mascara

If I’m going out for a special night, I’ll do all of this, but maybe shape my brows, do a little undereye liner, and a darker shadow in the crease of my eyelids. 

I like to finish it all off with a spray of toner. Right now, I’m using Teddie’s (featured below). It just keeps the skin dewy and hydrated looking. As I was getting ready to take pics of the finished look, Lyla and Cinderella joined in (they had been playing at my feet, or on the counter the entire time).

Teddie Organics Rose Water Facial Toner

Here’s to a little bit of glamour and girliness! XO 

Self Care

Self care is something that we all need, but I wonder if some of us don’t make it a priority. It means something different to every single person. The first time that I heard the term “self care” I giggled, because immature/euphemism. If I’m being honest, it’s probably not always a priority for me. That’s not because I feel selfish taking time to do what feels relaxing, or fulfilling to my own emotional needs, but because it’s just hard to find the time. That’s not the worst problem to have, I know. The minute that I think “I can finally sit down for just a second” someone has pooped their pants, or needs more juice (both Lyla, not Anthony). 

So, about that sitting down for a moment, that’s really what does it for me. Sitting still. Sometimes there’s internet perusing, or a show involved, but just to sit and zone out is my idea of recharging. I do make time for this every morning, before our day starts. As simple as that sounds, it’s huge. Breaking a sweat, and being surrounded by mature trees, is good for me, too. Having clean, organized surroundings is important to the sitting and vegging out. Our house gets messy, of course, but I always try to stay ahead of keeping it clean, and try to have a candle going or music on, just to make it that much nicer. That’s more for me than anybody else. 

I have finally made peace with the fact that keeping it simple is totally acceptable. Sneaking out to get a pedicure can be great, but it also involves putting on a bra, driving, and spending money. None of that is ideal to me. 

With most things that I write, there’s a part of me thinking “this is so silly!” There are single parents out there, people paying their way through school, people affected by natural disasters, or people taking care of loved ones that are terribly ill. So yeah, if I don’t get a quiet minute to myself throughout the day, it’s absolutely ok. In those moments that I can recharge my personal batteries, though, this if what works. I’m a much better wife, mother, daughter, and friend if I get my time. 

I am genuinely curious.. what works for the rest of you? 

Here’s to ourselves! 

XO 

Toddler Christmas Gift Guide

Just when I think that I’m sad about Lyla growing up, and losing her “babyish ways,” I’m quickly reminded that every phase with her, is so much fun, in different and exciting ways. She’s really starting to understand things, and holidays have been no exception. Not only do I like holidays now, but I think that I love them. I didn’t even like them that much when I was little. Nature, not nurture, in my case - it’s just my personality. It truly is magic to see things through a child’s eyes, though. 

Anthony and I are so pumped to play Santa this year. I’m hopeful that we can make a date night out of shopping for her, but I’m sure that we’ll also be utilizing trusty ole Amazon. Do people say trusty? I’ve said it like one other time in my entire life. But it really is TRUSTY, no? 

Some of our ideas for our 2.5 year old: 

 Kid-Century Table and Chairs  -  I think this will be her big gift from us. Lyla loves to have spaces that are her own, and to set up her little “scenarios” or to color. I love the look, and price, of this set. 

Dog Family Nesting Dolls  -  Lyla has a set of Russian Nesting Dolls at her Grandparents’ house. It’s one of her very favorite things. Her set there is a classic family set, but I think that she’ll get a kick out of the dogs. Or she’ll get pissed that it’s not actual people, throw it to the ground, and yell NO.

Fisher-Price Little People Safari Share and Care Set  - Little People toys are wonderful. They encourage creativity and come with minimal choking hazard. Everytime we see a commercial for this specific set, she goes nuts. 

Fisher-Price Little People Big Helpers Home - When we go to look at toys at Barnes & Noble, or Target (RIP Toys R Us 😢), Lyla’s really drawn to any kind of playhouse. I’m thinking we’ll pull out the big guns for her 3rd birthday, and get her The Little People Disney Princess Castle. 

LeapFrog 2-in-1 LeapTop Touch, Pink - Animals, numbers, button pushing, and having a computer just like Dad? Perfect. 

Original Magna-doodle - We have several mini-versions, or generic versions, of a magna-doodle, and girlfriend is obsessed. I’d like to get her the real deal, knowing she’d use it and appreciate it. 

Busy Books - Busy Books are the hit of our home right now. Our collection keeps growing. Trolls and The Grinch should be a welcome addition to our playtime routine. 

Melissa & Doug Slice and Bake Wooden Play Set - Right now, Lyla loves to pretend to make cookies for her babies. It’s super cute. She usually uses some random puzzle pieces as the cookies. I love the resourcefulness, but this set is just too cute to pass up. Plus, I think that Melissa & Doug makes the nicest toys. 

Lyla’s also into unicorns, dinosaurs, and dress up right now. Who knows what else we’ll come up with between now and Christmas, but it’s been so much fun thinking about it. This is a kid, who isn’t saying a lot of full sentences, but just told me when I asked her if she was still hungry “No. I just play and play.” 🤗

Any ideas out there? Much appreciated! 

Happy Shopping 

XO 

3 Things to Know About Caregivers

I like this numbering/list format. Expect to see more of it.

The title of this post is really general, but the content is more specific to raising a child with Cystic Fibrosis. While Lyla isn’t necessarily sick, I do have to constantly keep in mind, that if she does get “actively” sick, it could be bad news. Either way you chalk it up, it can be heartbreaking and all-consuming raising a child, or caring for a loved one, with any kind of specific needs. It can also be the most wonderfully moving event of your entire life. 

1. Raising a child with health concerns has made me really selfish. I cannot help it. I hate that fact. My mind literally can only process and focus on so much. Obviously, Lyla’s health is number 1. A lot of extra noise or commotion really gets to me. We have a big appointment coming up at the end of this week, and it dawned on me how irritable I have been. This happens every 2 months, when we have a clinic appointment. All of my “brain energy” goes to fattening up my toddler. If we get to this appointment, and her weight is low, that falls on me, especially as we approach cold season. I don’t like to “fail” so needless to say, there’s already quite a bit of unnecessary pressure taking over my life. 

2. I need to preface this, by saying that this isn’t meant to sound passive aggressive in light of some recent real-life events for us. I’ve come to the realization that a lot of people simply don’t “get” CF, and that’s ok. Something to be aware of - If my daughter happened to contract pneumonia, she could die. That sounds super dramatic, but it is true. She. Could. Die. Granted, Lyla’s lungs have been pretty great up until now, but it’s not something that we’d even entertain playing around with. I could get into the science and reasoning behind why this could happen, but honestly, that’s not as important as simply knowing the horrific, and unfathomable, repercussions. If you have a respiratory infection of any kind (especially pneumonia), and know that you could be around susceptible patients, small children, or the elderly, please use some common sense. Actually...that goes for any kind of bug or sickness. Err on the side of caution. You know, so no one dies. 

3. Please do not say that my child is spoiled. She’s not, and it’s rude/not cute or funny. I spend a lot of quality (and quantity) time with Lyla, and she’s come to expect that. That part can get a little tricky, and it’s up to me, her mother, to support more independence. I always planned on being a very hands-on parent, but when I was pregnant, and thought that we’d be spending most of our time in a hospital; or I’d only get around 20 years with my daughter, I decided not to waste one single second, or take one little tantrum or long day for granted. Things have brightened up quite a bit, in her future, but life can be short, and it is incredibly precious. So yes, Lyla gets most of my time and energy. No, I don’t worry that she’s spoiled by that fact. Personally, I don’t see how dropping what you’re doing to play or help your child, or sitting on the floor to engage with them is spoiling. If we were buying her tons of toys and giving her candy all day, that would be a different story. I’m obviously a tad sensitive on this one. My time with Lyla is the most precious thing in my world right now, and I choose to spend that time lovingly and meaningfully, simply put. 

(While we’re at it, I really have a problem with calling little girls “brats” or “sassy” because they say no when they don’t want to do something; or like girly accessories or toys). 

Hopefully this can give some insight into how us caregivers can feel at different times. You never know what someone is really dealing with, and how draining or worrying it can all be. (If anyone knows how to NOT use pizza as a crutch, please let me know. TIA). 

XO